We Are Getting Old(er)
Own It!… And Drive It Like You Stole It!
(originally published on Medium.com, 26-Aug-2024)
I turned 55 years old this year. Please, no gifts. I’m good, thanks.
Math rounding practices mean I am closer to 60 than 50. Ouch.
But I’m okay with that. As they say, “It’s better than the alternative.”
So, what to do about getting older?
You can’t change your past or turn back time. My advice:
Don’t give up trying to be the best version of you.
I don’t know about you, but I think humanity is still living through a funk from the COVID pandemic and shutdown. It sure didn’t help me having neck surgery in 2021 to replace a herniated disc.
It took me some time to get my focus & drive back. I’m pushing myself to be the best version of myself. For sure, it’s takes some effort.
How am I doing this?
I am focusing on four priorities:
- Personal Health & Fitness
- Being Present for My Family
- Taking Time for Me
- Everything Else
Priority #1: Personal Health & Fitness
Much like you can’t get a loan to fund retirement, no one can loan you good health — you must earn it and keep it. Without it, you are not your best for yourself or others in your life.
…good health — you must earn it and keep it!
There are plenty of articles out there about aging, tips to stay healthy in your 40’s, 50’s, 60’s. There are some good tips out there to point you in the right direction, but you must figure out what works for you. I have exercised and have been relatively healthy most of my life. From my experience, I knew what worked for me to lose weight, gain strength, etc. But that was mostly when I was younger.
With the metabolism changes that happen in your 40’s & 50’s, I wanted guidance from a trained professional on what are the best practices for me at my age and fitness level, so I asked.
My recommendation is to work with certified individuals to make a plan that is right for you. Start with your doctor and ask for referrals to specialists to help you with your journey.
I met with a nutritionist who helped me with nutritional and caloric intake parameters, as well as some meal recipes to support my plan. I was already managing my calories, but the additional guidance on macro’s (e.g., protein, fat, carbohydrates, fiber) really helped me make informed food selections and optimize my nutrition for a healthy lifestyle, not a fad diet.
I met with a sports neurosurgeon to review my neck condition three years after surgery. I wanted to confirm I was healthy to do strength training. I also wanted to understand any limitations I know. I’d rather know in advance to not do something than to find out afterwards when I’m back in the hospital and hear “Oh, you shouldn’t have been doing that!”
I met with sports physical therapist to get recommendations for stretching, strength training and cardio. She reviewed the physical therapy exercises I did post-surgery with what I was doing now with my gym trainer. She also gave me some refined guidance, while considering my physical condition and neck history, on stretching exercises which are so important as we get older.
Do not underestimate the benefits of daily stretching!
I do strength training with a physical trainer three days per week. It’s been great to have new exercises and work with someone to confirm my technique and weight resistance so I’m hopefully doing the right work efficiently, rather than just doing what I did decades ago. I now have a menu of various ‘push’, ‘pull’, and ‘leg’ day exercise routines to do on my own as well. Each of these routines integrate core exercises as well.
From previous injuries and neck surgery, I’m at the age where I am not shy to say ‘No’ if there are exercises I know cause me issues. Many overhead shoulder exercises are just a no-no for me these days, so we do other exercises.
So, how is Priority #1 going for me?
After eight months of a focused effort, I lost about 16 lbs so far and feel much stronger and less stressed. I’m looking forward to the next eight months and optimistic about my overall health and fitness.
I’m going for ‘slow & steady’ on the weight (fat) loss and muscle gain. It took me years to get where I am today; it will not be reversed overnight!
Being in my mid-50’s, it’s regularly put forward in the media how folks my age need to maintain and build muscle for greater strength, stability and overall fitness to withstand potential injuries later in life. How many times do we hear about an older person who is permanently disabled (or worse) from falling and breaking a hip? I’d rather not join that statistics group.
Focusing on my personal health and fitness is definitely enabling me to put forward my best for Priority #2!
As Maslow’s hierarchy of needs outlines, your physiological needs must normally be first met before you can move on to other needs. I put my physical health & fitness in with the Maslow’s listed physiological needs.
Priority #2: Being Present for My Family
My wife and I had kids later in life. We have two high school students now and they keep us busy!
My son just started his senior year of high school.
Where did the last three years go!? Where did the last 17 years go!?
This time next year, all going to plan, he will have started his first semester of college. Wow.
Make time for your family every day you can.
It easy to stay ‘busy’ and say you’ll do something tomorrow with them. But I encourage you to stay busy by being present with your family as much as you can.
That can be tough to do. It’s not just your time. Each member of our family has their own schedules and stay busy.
I read online a while back, something like: (paraphrased from memory):
Twenty years from now, the only people who remember you worked late will be your kids. — Unknown
So, how is Priority #2 going for me?
I think I’m doing okay. I strive to be the best husband and father I can be. I probably fail at least once per day (my kids may say more than that, I don’t know), but I am present and there for them as much I as can be.
We enjoy doing family activities; movies, games (try playing Farkle, you’ll love it!), etc.
My wife and I do date night which is special, but we also take evening walks which are equally valuable. It’s given us time together to talk that we value so much and it feels good to burn a few extra calories for Priority #1.
They still don’t like my singing, dad jokes or dancing, but I’m good with that.
I focus on doing what I can and being there — even if just to listen.
Priority #3: Taking Time for Me
Time for yourself can be whenever, for however long and at any irregular timing that works for you. Once per week to do so-and-so, etc. Or each morning to meditate or journal write, etc.
Figure out what you want to do for your ‘Me Time’ and schedule it in when you can.
I enjoy reading and writing as a bit of a disconnect from the daily activities and obligations.
Between the big city traffic uncertainty and a school carpool line that can extend four or five blocks long, I tend to get in line early so I’m near the front and use that time for myself. I wrote the initial draft of this article on my phone sitting (stationary!) in the school carpool line waiting for dismissal.
I try to find time for myself and my interests at various times & places through the day and week.
I removed social media time from my “Me Time”. I deleted Instagram from my phone and tablet to avoid the bedtime routine of “I’m just going to look for a few minutes.” That started turning into 30–60 minutes as I got lost in time swiping up for the next thing.
I enjoy my sleep more than internet browsing. Make your “Me Time” quality time for whatever you want. If it’s Instagram, go for it!
For me, time for yourself is one of those things that doesn’t have a defined criteria to say you are successful or not.
It’s up to you to find time and balance to get what you need. There’s no finish line, just chisel out what you can to not lose yourself. I try to view it as ‘any time to myself is a bonus’ and take what I can get.
So, how is Priority #3 going for me?
I feel like I have a good balance and get time for myself. Of course, we would all like more time in a day, but I’m good to get some dedicated “Me Time” a few days a week and it keeps me grounded.
I am excited to rejoin a bowling league this fall to reconnect with bowling buddies and meet some new people too. Having dropped out due to my neck surgery, I set myself low expectations for my bowling scores and look forward to the camaraderie and having some fun!
Priority #4: Everything else
I’m a list maker so I’ve got plenty to keep me busy. I even have lists of lists!
Within these lists, I have ‘Everything Else’ and there are plenty of sub-categories of tasks listed. My current task list, with three columns of tasks, spans ten pages when printed. No danger of running out of things to do!
So, how is Priority #4 going for me?
I chip away at my ’Everything Else’ list as I get time and pick the top actions each week to work on around my other obligations. However, I’m challenging myself to focus on Priorities 1, 2 & 3 above else.
The rest will work itself out.
Every now and then, my wife and I elevate some of the ‘Everything Else’ tasks to be priorities for the betterment of our daily lives.
And, sometimes, I just delete things, because frankly they just don’t need done. It may have been relevant or a great idea when it was added to the list. Don’t be afraid to say ‘No’, even if it was originally your idea to do it.
Overall, how am I doing?
Being brutally honest:
Life is hard! Time is a rare commodity — don’t waste it.
There’s so many demands on our time. So, No, I’m not doing this perfectly, but I remind myself I can’t stop trying. With each stumble, I try to find a better or more efficient way to help achieve my goals.
As I have gotten older, things may take longer or I can no longer do them. And, that’s okay too.
Your scars document your experiences and earned wisdom.
Try to learn from them.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
And, don’t be afraid to say ‘No’ to the little stuff.
So, I offer, as we all get older:
Don’t give up trying to be the best version of you.
Figure out your priorities and start to take them on.
This is different for everyone so take some time to reflect what it means for you.
I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, so it’s okay if you don’t know but try things to figure it out! Like many things in life: you’ll learn more from your mistakes than your successes. Give it go!
At 55, using an American football metaphor, I think the halftime performance is over and I’m playing in the second half now, maybe even 4th quarter- who’s to say? But the game isn’t over and I’m still in it!
We only get one life.
Own it! … and drive it like you stole it!
I wish you your best life.
Enjoy Life and Thanks for reading.
-Jeff
